My Story
I
have abandonment issues. There I said
it! I just gave away my biggest
weakness. Much of this has existed since
I was a child, but it was deeply pronounced when my first wife walked out on
me. It really came to the forefront when
I was a pastor. While in the middle of
getting the church ready for VBS for the first time in ten years, a family in
the church that was helping became angry over something that was totally
fabricated and left. I felt abandoned
like I had on the day my first wife walked out.
It is both an annoyance and a major issue that needs to be dealt with.
After
things fell apart at the church I began a journey of
questioning if I should be in the pastorate. In
fact it was so bad that I thought maybe I should not even preach anymore. The very last service things blew open so bad
that I had to take measures to protect myself from a man who was rushing the
rostrum. It wasn’t pleasant.
The
incident forced me to reflect. Before
the divorce I had been fairly productive.
It seemed anything I touched ministry and work wise just seemed to
prosper. Youth ministries, college &
career classes, home based Bible studies, evangelism events seemed to all just
work. In fact the several of the BMA churches were I was interim pastor all seemed to take off and start growing before the new pastor
came in. I even had three churches
considering me to pastor. You might say
it was the golden era of ministry for me.
However
after the divorce things were different.
I lost my job because the business shut down. I still had the opportunity to preach from
time to time, but nothing like what it was before. At one point the one church that was looking
at me to pastor decided against it because of the divorce. I
decided to go back to college and finish my degree at Dallas Baptist
University. I went to a larger church
that was a part of a larger Baptist denomination. While involved there I met
Mary. The two of us married a year
later. At that point I thought things
might turn around. Things just were not
meant to be. While at this church Mary
and I started working with the 20 Somethings class in the Singles
Ministry. It had two people. Within a month we had ten. About six months later we had twenty. Because our work was growing and the College
& Career class was not the associate pastor encouraged the College and
Career teacher to get those in our class to start attending their class. So Mary and I would do the work while they
reaped the benefit. His reasoning was because
the younger singles who had never been married didn’t need to around a group of
divorced, bitter people. Never mind that
half of the twenty year olds in the class was either divorced already, single
mothers, or couples who use to live with each other before Mary and I counseled
them.
About
two years later I followed one of the staff members to another church to be
their education minister. While there I
was excited hoping to see a small urban church revived and reaching out her
community. That lasted four years and we
moved our membership back to the church I originated at. While at my old home church I became their
youth minister because the one before me became a missionary. He had been there for ten years. It was not easy since the church and
surrounding area were in transition.
Plus the former youth minister continued to come around which made
things very difficult. The best I could
do was maintain the ministry. There was
some growth which was very little because the youth who were imbedded there did
not want to participate in ministry.
Add
to those lack luster moments the church that I resigned from and you get the
last thirteen years of my life in ministry as a virtual failure. I began to think maybe it was time to move on
to other things. Maybe I could do
something that would help my family financially and just support ministries
rather than be involved in them.
I
was on total burnout. In fact I was even
ready to chunk the towel in on my job.
There I had received abuses as well, which added to the ugly in the
situation. My thoughts were turning
toward just giving up. I wasn’t
suicidal, but I was beginning to lean in a suicidal direction professionally,
ministry, and socially. Something was
about to snap and it was going to be ugly.
It
was at the point that I thought I was going to break. I had made my mind up…trash it all and go
live for myself. Never mind the grace of
God which had been given to me through faith in His Son Jesus Christ. Never mind the sacrifice made for me through
Jesus Christ. Never mind the Holy Spirit
who has been working in my life since I was 17.
Never mind the ministry work that God had done by allowing me to be used
by Him. Never mind the family He had
given to me. Never mind the loving son
He gave to my wife and me when we were told to stop trying. Never mind the countless people who supported
me through my difficulties of the divorce.
Or for that the extreme support I had received from both those who
belonged to the church I pastored and those who had been praying for me during
this deep moment of despair. Never mind
any of that! All I can say is look at
the good God has done for me, but I was ready to call it quits.
That’s
when the minute of miracle occurred. I
have programed in my phone for a verse from the Bible to pop up every
morning. Right at that moment when I was
going to go for the gusto and quit, Isaiah 41:10 came up, “Do not fear, for I
am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help
you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
It
was a verse I had memorized years ago when I was going through the trials and
pitfalls of my first marriage before the divorce. It meant a lot to me then and its meaning was
about to get deeper.
When
I glanced at the phone the only words I saw was, “…I am with you…” It grabbed me as if God Himself was telling
me that. But once I sit back and think
about it, since I do believe in inerrancy and infallibility, God was talking to
me!
My
heart stopped and I looked again. God knew
what I needed. I deserved Hell, but He
gave me salvation! I deserved a rebuke
but He showed kindness! Despite all of
the grief, disappointments, and failures I had seen God literally told me, “…I
am with you…”
I
am sure I have a long way to go. This is
possibly the first step of many back to recovery. Not recovery of ministry, but of a
relationship which I have need of.
Ministry should be the outpouring of my life not what I base my life
on. Success had formed a mentality of
entitlement. The abuse of others had brought
the feeling of abandonment. God used
that to bring a refreshing walk with Him.
So
is that the message? No, but it makes a
great introduction for what this verse can mean for us throughout this
year. Let’s take a moment and see how it
applies to our thoughts for 2017.
Do Not Fear
One
of the things that made 2016 so difficult was the election. For eight years we have lived under a very
repressive government that was meant to be representative. The election was brutal especially if you
didn’t support Donald Trump as the nominee and especially if you supported him
after he received the nomination. (In
other words he was not my first choice.)
But Trump won and now I have many friends who “fear” the worse. To be very honest, I think it could be better
if my person would have won in the primaries, but I am very doubtful that
things will be worse under Mr. Trump.
So
the message is from God, do not fear what tomorrow brings. No, literally He says that. When teaching His disciples in Matthew 10 He
discussed with them about how that there would be abusive, arrogant people who
would come into their lives and into the lives of the churches they would
plant. He called them wolves and serpent
(v. 16). But Jesus tells His disciples,
“Therefore, do not fear them…” (v. 26).
Just to make sure that is understood He repeats Himself in verse 31, “So
do not fear…”
Each
time we are called out to actively pursue God in faith, fear is the very
result. But it is the reason not to fear
that is important! God simply tells the
people of Judah, “Do not fear, for I am with you…” The presence of God is a powerful thing. The
very thought of God being with us takes the fear out of things. And why wouldn’t it, John states in 1 John
4:18, “There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casts out fear, because fear
involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”
That leads us to our next thought:
Do Not Anxiously Look
About You
This
reminds me of Peter walking on the water in Matthew 14:22-33. The narrative goes that Jesus sent His
disciples out in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee while He prayed. During that time a storm rose up and was
tossing the little boat around. At this
point the Lord comes to them walking on water.
The disciples were afraid thinking it was a ghost. When the Lord tells them that it is Him Peter
requests to go walk out on the water as proof.
Peter does walk on the water, looks away from the Lord at the waves and
begins to sink. He cries out to the Lord
who pulls him out of the water. So why
did Peter sink into the water he was successfully walking on? Verse 30 shows us, “But seeing the wind, he
became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’” Peter looked at his situation and became
frightened as a result. Do not get this
wrong! Peter’s fears did not cause him
to sink! It was taking his eyes off of
the Savior that caused him to sink.
The
key is found in the adjoining statement in Isaiah 41:10, “…for I am your
God”. The reasons for not being anxious
by those things swirling around us is simple, God is in control. Not always what any of us want to hear, but
the truth is in the fact that all things are in His control.
The
writer of Hebrews gives us words of encouragement in Hebrews 12:1-2, “Therefore,
since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay
aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us
run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our
eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before
Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand
of the throne of God.” The idea is that
the race is finished with the help of keeping our eyes focused on the One who
gives us the strength to not only finish the race but finish it correctly.
Three Areas of Support For Us in
Doing God’s Will
God
through Isaiah promised help to the nation of Israel resulting in the defeat of
their enemies. The same is true for
those who believe in Christ. If we have truly
turned from our fear to His presence and have moved from a people who are anxious
about what is going on around us because of the person of God Himself, then
there are three provisions that are given to us as well.
First,
He promises to strengthen us. Paul notes
best in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 regarding a particular weakness he had, “Concerning
this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is
sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly,
therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ
may dwell in me.” In the midst of our
weakness throughout this year, if we place our trust in God’s presence and fix
our eyes on Christ Himself, then the strength of God will be manifest in our
lives. We may not always see it, but we
can live with assurance that this is true.
Second,
His help will be ever present. It makes
sense that if He will strengthen us He will also help us. Again this is in line with recognizing His
presence and committing our eyes on Him.
The Psalmist proclaimed this deeply in Psalm 46:1-3, “God is our refuge
and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the
mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and
foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.” Despite all of the troubles from life and
nature the refuge that we have is in the very strength and help we have in
Christ.
The
final thing that God promises us for this coming year is the fact we have His
support. Again we turn to the Psalms for a deeper
explanation. In Psalm 89:13-14 it’s
noted, “You have a strong arm; Your hand is mighty, Your right hand is exalted. Righteousness and justice are the foundation
of Your throne; Lovingkindness and truth go before You.” Here we see that the strength of God’s hand
is found in His righteousness. Because
He is righteous He knows where and how to support us in our endeavors. In other words He is not going to support
anything that does not bring Him glory and does not exhibit His righteousness.
Final Thought
So
how does this all relate to us? First,
as we move through the year we need to constantly stay aware of God’s presence
in everything that goes on. This will
keep fear from invading and robing us of the wealth we have in Christ. Second, as the year moves forward we need to
understand that God is with us during those anxious moments that will come
along during 2017. In all that we go
through we must remember that step by step, when in our weakest moments God is
there strengthening us; in our moments of helplessness He becomes our help; and
in our times when there seems to be no support, as long as we are living within
His righteous will, He will always be our support.
The
only way to get any of this from the Lord is if we know Him personally. And the only way to know Him personally is
through the person and work of Jesus Christ.
You and I have to conclude that without Him we are too weak to save
ourselves from our situations or our sins.
Without Him we must conclude that we are helpless to save
ourselves. And without Him we will find
no support for having eternal life. The
Lord Jesus died for our sins which nailed Him to the cross. Through the strength of His resurrection we
can find eternal life. All we have to do
is turn away from ourselves and place our trust in Him alone. This is the only way to find hope, help, and
support in 2017.
His
Servant with You,
Steven
Swaim
President
& Founder, Be Devoted Ministries
Please look for my next upcoming book Walking Faith.
If
you have any speaking engagements in which you would like for me to speak, feel
free and contact me at StevenSwaim@BeDevotedMinistries.com. Please place “Speaking Engagement” in the
subject line. I will need a contact
phone number, date of the event, and the place in which I will be speaking. All other arrangements will be made from when
contact is initiated by me.
